I've been in a holding pattern for months now. Hanging in there at work, stretching out that free day care as long as I can. We are so blessed and spoiled to have a child as manageable and sweet as our little Zoë. But every day she gets a little more independent. And every day I'm growing too, and pondering how I can find validation in a world where Zoë goes to preschool and doesn't need her mom to be home with her during the week. I hadn't planned on enrolling her until next year or even the following, but then lightning struck. A colleague's wife spoke to me about her search for a gallery assistant. The job is so cool and challenging and even chic ('gallerina' is a sought-after position thanks to Charlotte on Sex & the City) and in spite of an intimidating couple of interviews I think I'm qualified. There are some red flags though: one is that they want to fill the position pretty much immediately, which means I have to confront my hesitation to put Zoë in day care. I'm so not ready to dump her off at day care 2 days/week. I feel absolutely cruel. I want to succeed in my job but I don't want her to feel lost or like I pushed her into day care too soon. The other is that the job is professional rather than trade, and that means you work till the job is done. Not till the whistle blows. They made it clear that sometimes you have to work late in order to get something done. I already work till 7, reluctantly, so I can't say that I'm thrilled to hear that I would still have to work till 7 occasionally, not just 3 days but 5 days per week. It's about a 20-hour per week increase and I don't know if I could handle it after this past year and a half of working only 30 hours per week.
Seems like the job's going to be offered on the condition that I speak to my boss first to avoid an ugly confrontation. The prospective employer has business ties with the current employer and I certainly don't want to create any tension. I'm not worried about telling current employer that I'm considering other options. But I would hate to leave him without taking into consideration all of the allowances he's given me since I took my maternity leave and went to a part time schedule. He needs to know that I'm feeling stagnant where I am, and that given the right incentives I'd stay. There's just so much to weigh in making this decision. It's not like a few years ago when I was unfettered and didn't mind late hours. Now I'm just an old poop who loves to come home and bond with my fam. How can I be so lame as to walk away from something this cool?
Look at this kid. You'd have a hard time tearing yourself away from her too. Like I told my husband, even a 10 grand raise is no match for spending time with this one.
